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fucking up current music : jamie cullum - high and dry overall, i think i'm a pretty good girlfriend. i'm supportive, forgiving, loving, loyal, honest, compassionate, i'm pretty awesome in bed too... and if it weren't for my tendancy to get so easily and ridiculously jealous, i'd pretty much make the whole package. jealousy... for a bright girl, i'm pretty stupid in that sense. it's not that i don't trust him, for being such a long distance from me, he hasn't ever given me any solid reason to believe he's messed around on me. he flirts, but everyone does. he gets hit on, but that's because he's damn cute. but that part of me that's been so physically insecure about myself since i was younger isn't going away... on a 1-10, in comparison to other girls i've never really even felt like a 7. but i have a lot to give, more than most and i know that for a fact.. so it makes no sense why i get jealous, but i still do. i know girls are pretty fucking evil, men too, but girls have a way that if we want something we'll more than likely get it. so it's not that i don't trust him, i don't trust them. i know how much he loves me, so it really makes absolutely no sense... it's stupid... and again my jealousy has gotten the better of me and dampered things. so close to him getting here and my stupid jealousy has got him questioning us after not even being together again for 2months.. goddamn. i'm holding myself together for the both of us. for him not to think i'm a complete nut and for me to get by but it's not easy.i just hope he means everything he says about getting over it.. we've come to far. i gotta grow up or get some self esteem... preferably both. i might not be the most gorgeous girl you've ever laid eyes on, but i have more to offer than most. i gotta stop letting looks make me feel less than those girls i'm better than... i gotta let him know i trust him. i just hope i haven't fucked things up any more than they seem to be... |
